It is really amazing how so many marriages are in chaos. Many couples live as roommates or strangers and some, like cats and dogs!!! Ever pay attention to young children when they "playhouse?" They play loving (Or not) moms and dads, husbands and wives even, teachers and students. Children genuinely show love and affection in this make belief scene or simply reenact their childhood orientations based on the real life exhibits by the adults.
One of the reasons for unhealthy and broken relationships is incompatibility. Different people get into relationships for different reasons. Many marriages and relationships between couples, friends, siblings, neighbors or/and co-workers falter or prosper for different reasons. Many people tend to loose focus on the key issues in their lives, marriages and relationships. They fail to focus on the details of what or who really matters or makes them happy or rather, fulfilled. Also, they blindly or intentionally neglect the roots or triggers of the chaos in their "unfulfilled" and for others, miserable lives!!!
We all know the phrase that "Age is nothing but, a number." It really is!!! Recently, I heard a story about a very "disturbed" 40 something year old female. Sadly, she is a medical doctor. It is really sad because as a Medical Director, one would think she would have had the decorum to behave wisely. Imagine her for a second being your doctor. Multiple personalities are in play here. She is unable to contain herself when she sees gorgeous women in the midst of her husband at work or at private events. It is obvious she is very "insecure, delusional, miserable and definitely has a very low self-esteem." She bragged to her husband's business partners how they could have seen her in "action" humiliating her husband's assumed "lover" during a business luncheon with many partners. They called her "Stupid" and a "fool." Being an MD did not mean she was smart. She was ignorant and maybe, stupid to realize she humiliated her husband instead. I bet many of us must have heard that a mad man or woman is not ashamed he or she is naked or eating from a garbage can because he or she is mentally unstable to know the difference but, the people that know him are the ones clearly embarrassed. Precisely!!!
I am not Dr. Phil but, here is my take on this!!! Men will always be men. Many men wear "infidelity" or the look or approach of, "Oh baby, you look good, can we go kick it?" like Italian suits or some cheap suits made in China bought from Harwin in the Houston area. If this "female doctor"just like many females, felt her husband was having an "affair" with this "other" female, she had no business going after her. Or she could have confronted her in a fashionable way or simply pray for God to fight for her. Yes, prayer works. First: She should have had a one-on-one conversation with herself to determine what could have led to her husband becoming a "stray dog," if he actually committed the act of adultery. Two: Have an honest conversation with her husband if she senses he actually is cheating, without having to raise her voice especially in front of the children (If kids are involved). I know what you are thinking! It is easier said than done. Three: Stay calm and choose not to let any man including her husband, drive her up the wall, to exhibit an act of stupidity especially in a business environment. Four: Decide to forgive her husband and work on her "broken" marriage or forgive him and move on with her life. Five: Focus on herself to make herself a better individual rather than wasting her energy and time on irrelevant tasks towards obsessive behaviors; it takes away from her happiness. Men will always be men!!!
When you are not emotionally in sync with the one you are with, you have nothing to hold on to except, for the physical intimacy (It is overrated) which wears off like a cheap cologne with time. Being emotionally intimate makes love unique and beautiful. The emotional part of intimate love makes the physical part of intimacy to clearly feel and is as subtle as an early morning fresh breeze yet, as sweet as undiluted fresh palm wine. Embrace the one you love or at least, the one you are with in body, mind and spirit!!!
Many men and women are guilty of committing sinful acts. "Man" cheats with his eyes, hands, even in his dreams (Subconsciousness), fantasies (Lustful hopes), thoughts and actions. He hides these (Or sometimes obvious) beautifully. Show me who has never committed one, more or all of these "acts," and many will bow down to him/her. He or she must be "God." It takes the grace of God to resist temptation. Yet, "Man" succumbs to "it" because of its attractiveness and limited rewards, he is sucked into and most times, destroyed.
Many "wives" fail in their roles as "mothers" and "wives." Men too. Marriage is a beautiful union of love that men and women have made marriage look, not very appealing especially for the younger generations. When a woman neglects to take care of herself both inwardly and outwardly, looking unattractive to the seen eyes therefore, a "Turn off," a man feels he has or have been given the license to redirect his focus to a more attractive woman than his "wife," making the "other" woman your husband's part time or could be full-time lover. Though men will always be men, do NOT give your man the reason or the license for you not to be his 80% focus. Put a leash of God on him and on her, through prayers. Give him one reason to stay focused or re focused, regardless of all the beautiful females or the "hunks" in the world and that reason is YOU!
God knew what He was doing when He created Eve for Adam. Make your spouse your best friend. See him/her as part of you. Work on your bad habits rather than focusing on his. Schedule date nights. Go on weekend trips, making it a tradition. Pamper yourself. Pamper your spouse. Make it a habit to look good or "Hot" for you then, for your spouse (Because YOU come first). Marriage is a beautiful union of love. Do NOT make yours a bad example and make another female or male the "Scape goat."
Women (Men) that spend time tailing their husbands (Wives), worrying about what he (She) could be doing or not, scanning through his (Her) phone messages or emails, hopping from one club or party to another, making your homes war zones between slave masters and his slaves, WAKE-UP!!!
Your mindset determines your steps that lead to action. A positive mindset smells like and is SUCCESS.
Before and when your marriage seems to be falling apart, bring God into "it." Do not derail in your steadfastness. Women like this "doctor" need to sit back and regroup themselves. Rather than running 'helter skelter" on a "wild goose chase," focus on the positives in your relationships and allow God to work on the negatives of your spouse.
Men will always be men. But then again, women will always be women. There are a few good men still out there. Sadly, they are entangled with women filled with toxic traits/behaviors. And, a few good women entangled with pigs in dogs skins. Men: Rather than ignoring what you lack as a man or/and lack in your marriage and filling your insatiable appetite elsewhere, make a decision to change yourself instead. Hopefully, almost everything could fall into place in your life and marriage.
Some women are like flowers while some are spiky therefore, tend to be nags like "Cancer in the bone." Some men seemingly are like "Freddie Kruger" inwardly but, with the face of an angel and could lie through their teeth just to get in between the legs of a woman.
The time may never come so make time earlier than tomorrow! Many people in the relationship called "Marriage" neglect to decide to look inwardly to see with the window of their hearts rather than they forget to think clearly; behaving childishly (Without hesitation), they stand the chance of having being with their one "true love" but lost, for reasons very obvious to them but failed to acknowledge. It's your choice. Choose Wisely!!!
"Marriage is meant to be a promise of a lifetime of love."
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Tranquility
As I was driving on a feeder road, I was enjoying my ride back home; my place of serene. Then, I noticed a fluffy-like brown object sticking out from the back window of a car in front of me. I wondered what it was. I was amazed at what I saw! The movement of this object was remarkable! But, a distraction for me, only for a moment.
So, I moved to the left lane to get a closer look. Then, I saw “it.” “It” seemed so lost in thoughts, I assumed. I started to imagine what “it” could be thinking, enjoying the serenity of the gentle breeze on "its" tiny face. The look on "its" face was very calming.
I could only imagine what “it” could be imagining or feeling. It was obvious “it” was in a fantasy land only “it” can express to its kind. I know I would be sailing too if I was in "its" shoes per se. I know that to be in a serenity atmosphere could be almost like heaven on earth. I know I would only imagine the thoughts of my heart. I know I would meditate! I know it would help one to refocus. It will be an absolute tranquility.
For a moment, I wished I was sailing in the back seat of a car enjoying the gentle breeze on my "skin-cut" hair. I also reminded myself that it is also wise to be in a place of absolute serenity. One can be in a place of chaos yet, find peace from within. All one needs to do is to find that inner peace; an escape then, sail away just like “the cat in the car.” I know I would.
Peace of mind transforms one. Love restores peace. Each day, you should make it a habit to be in a “happy place” regardless of the stumbling blocks, even for a moment. Be in a place (somehow) where you know you will find the peace you need, to regroup... Your heart is the place to start and peace will never be far from you. And, God will never be far because God is the absolute peace!
Nkem A DenChukwu
So, I moved to the left lane to get a closer look. Then, I saw “it.” “It” seemed so lost in thoughts, I assumed. I started to imagine what “it” could be thinking, enjoying the serenity of the gentle breeze on "its" tiny face. The look on "its" face was very calming.
I could only imagine what “it” could be imagining or feeling. It was obvious “it” was in a fantasy land only “it” can express to its kind. I know I would be sailing too if I was in "its" shoes per se. I know that to be in a serenity atmosphere could be almost like heaven on earth. I know I would only imagine the thoughts of my heart. I know I would meditate! I know it would help one to refocus. It will be an absolute tranquility.
For a moment, I wished I was sailing in the back seat of a car enjoying the gentle breeze on my "skin-cut" hair. I also reminded myself that it is also wise to be in a place of absolute serenity. One can be in a place of chaos yet, find peace from within. All one needs to do is to find that inner peace; an escape then, sail away just like “the cat in the car.” I know I would.
Peace of mind transforms one. Love restores peace. Each day, you should make it a habit to be in a “happy place” regardless of the stumbling blocks, even for a moment. Be in a place (somehow) where you know you will find the peace you need, to regroup... Your heart is the place to start and peace will never be far from you. And, God will never be far because God is the absolute peace!
Nkem A DenChukwu
Monday, August 30, 2010
A Rare Treasure.
Friends! Acquaintances! What have you? Or Should I say.... what are you?
Having a million friends is like having yellow corn get stuck in between your teeth ;( If/when you do not get the corn from your teeth, the corn will decay and is detrimental to your health. But, having few true friends are like drinking a cold glass of water in the Summer and hot cocoa in the Winter. They see in you, beyond what others see and still love you. You fight and you make up. Jealousy is a stranger in their hearts. They criticize you, positively. They are there for you through thick and thin; cry and laugh with you. Nothing lasts forever but, true friends are like diamonds; treasures to behold, that will never fade.
Nkem A. DenChukwu
Having a million friends is like having yellow corn get stuck in between your teeth ;( If/when you do not get the corn from your teeth, the corn will decay and is detrimental to your health. But, having few true friends are like drinking a cold glass of water in the Summer and hot cocoa in the Winter. They see in you, beyond what others see and still love you. You fight and you make up. Jealousy is a stranger in their hearts. They criticize you, positively. They are there for you through thick and thin; cry and laugh with you. Nothing lasts forever but, true friends are like diamonds; treasures to behold, that will never fade.
Nkem A. DenChukwu
I See The Sun...
If you took a breathe this morning then, you are indeed blessed. You may be at work, at home, somewhere or heading somewhere. The memories of yesterday cannot be forgotten (good or bad). Today is a brand new day, a gracious gift therefore, live it as it is the best day of your life, just like you would live the rest of your life! Make today's memories a good story book.
Question: How do you plan to live a fulfilled life especially today despite any obstacle? Remember, to live one day at a time is the "rule" of the day.
Nkem A. DenChukwu
Question: How do you plan to live a fulfilled life especially today despite any obstacle? Remember, to live one day at a time is the "rule" of the day.
Nkem A. DenChukwu
Chances Are ~
Like a nightmare, bad memories will creep on you. But then, good memories last a lifetime and your heart is glad. Chances are ~ that in your lifetime, you will experience the storms of life by choice or not, because life’s storms are parts of cosmic arrangements.
Life can be as sweet as undiluted fresh honey and life can also be as sour as an early morning “bad” breath.
Chances are ~ that your heart will be broken. She (he) will sing a lullaby to you from her (his) heart and promise you the heavens and the earth. Chances are ~ that he (she) will “fall” in love with you and you, loving him (her) so graciously. Or chances are ~ that you will “fall” out of love with him (her). Then again, it was not love to begin with!
Because “Love” is never wrong!
If you could turn the hands of the clock and make a wish or two, chances are ~ you would wish for the exact same thing or person you wished for seconds before now. Or, chances are ~ you will not!
Chances are ~ you will make someone else other than you; a priority that you are or meant to be. Chances are ~ you will be (are) in a relationship that has no life in it and you will choose to continue to dwell in it, hopeful. Chances are ~ you may lose the chance to live and make the change that could have been “you“. Or, you will be (are) in a destined fulfilling relationship and chances are ~ you will choose (by choice or not) to derail your destiny for reasons.
Chances are ~ that you are the choices that you make or, not make but, could have made and did not. And chances are ~ that life is sweet and sour at an exact same time.
Nkem A. DenChukwu
Life can be as sweet as undiluted fresh honey and life can also be as sour as an early morning “bad” breath.
Chances are ~ that your heart will be broken. She (he) will sing a lullaby to you from her (his) heart and promise you the heavens and the earth. Chances are ~ that he (she) will “fall” in love with you and you, loving him (her) so graciously. Or chances are ~ that you will “fall” out of love with him (her). Then again, it was not love to begin with!
Because “Love” is never wrong!
If you could turn the hands of the clock and make a wish or two, chances are ~ you would wish for the exact same thing or person you wished for seconds before now. Or, chances are ~ you will not!
Chances are ~ you will make someone else other than you; a priority that you are or meant to be. Chances are ~ you will be (are) in a relationship that has no life in it and you will choose to continue to dwell in it, hopeful. Chances are ~ you may lose the chance to live and make the change that could have been “you“. Or, you will be (are) in a destined fulfilling relationship and chances are ~ you will choose (by choice or not) to derail your destiny for reasons.
Chances are ~ that you are the choices that you make or, not make but, could have made and did not. And chances are ~ that life is sweet and sour at an exact same time.
Nkem A. DenChukwu
Sunday, August 29, 2010
In the Midst...
"Be still and know I am God." Psalm 46:10a
Running “helter-skelter” is the business of the day. It has become a routine in the lives of many. Do you lose sleep? Are you unhappy? Ask yourself "why"? Could your life be better? Ask yourself “how”?
In the midst of your “helter-skelter” life, you forget to breath! You forget to live! You are barely existing because you are letting life determine your steps instead of determining the steps to take in life.
Stop! Take deep breathes. Stop! Even for only a moment to laugh. Laughing can be therapeutic. Make laughter a habit. Stop! And be "thankful" for the blessings you have especially for the gift of life you are blessed with each day. Stop! And say "I love you" to the ones you love and the ones that love you from the heart. Stop! And maybe, you will hear God speak right through your heart, in the midst of your “helter-skelter” life.
~ Nkem DenChukwu
Running “helter-skelter” is the business of the day. It has become a routine in the lives of many. Do you lose sleep? Are you unhappy? Ask yourself "why"? Could your life be better? Ask yourself “how”?
In the midst of your “helter-skelter” life, you forget to breath! You forget to live! You are barely existing because you are letting life determine your steps instead of determining the steps to take in life.
Stop! Take deep breathes. Stop! Even for only a moment to laugh. Laughing can be therapeutic. Make laughter a habit. Stop! And be "thankful" for the blessings you have especially for the gift of life you are blessed with each day. Stop! And say "I love you" to the ones you love and the ones that love you from the heart. Stop! And maybe, you will hear God speak right through your heart, in the midst of your “helter-skelter” life.
~ Nkem DenChukwu
YOU are a "MISSION" to ACCOMPLISH!
The right relationship is indeed everything. NEVER settle for the "heck" of it. Your happiness is priceless & MUST NOT be compromised. Make yourself a "MISSION" to accomplish.
If you are in (a)chaotic situation(s) that has become a "lifestyle;" a lifestyle that has continued to derail your purpose in life thereby, taking away your happiness, making you an option and not a "priority," know that you do have an option. Yes, there are always choices to make to determine the steps to follow. Make YOU a "mission" to accomplish because you are worth it!
Take time to: Have a relationship with yourself! Know yourself! Value yourself! Love yourself! Know the real you! And love others! YOU are worth the time. Yes, you are!!
Filter your life! Filter the toxins in your life... Filteration is the way for you to inhale healthy habits in your life and exhale the toxins in your life. Toxic people are clusters in your life; filter them. Toxic behaviors can only harm you if not now, eventually. Dwelling in the misery of the past or present chaotic situation is toxic. Filteration is a purification process and purification can be painful; it is like childbirth "very painful" but, the end product is the focus. Focus on the hope of the choices you make instead & rely on God.
You have a choice to make: A choice to be happy in the midst of life's storms. A choice to live one moment at a time, making YOU a "mission" worth accomplishing.
~ Nkem A. DenChukwu
If you are in (a)chaotic situation(s) that has become a "lifestyle;" a lifestyle that has continued to derail your purpose in life thereby, taking away your happiness, making you an option and not a "priority," know that you do have an option. Yes, there are always choices to make to determine the steps to follow. Make YOU a "mission" to accomplish because you are worth it!
Take time to: Have a relationship with yourself! Know yourself! Value yourself! Love yourself! Know the real you! And love others! YOU are worth the time. Yes, you are!!
Filter your life! Filter the toxins in your life... Filteration is the way for you to inhale healthy habits in your life and exhale the toxins in your life. Toxic people are clusters in your life; filter them. Toxic behaviors can only harm you if not now, eventually. Dwelling in the misery of the past or present chaotic situation is toxic. Filteration is a purification process and purification can be painful; it is like childbirth "very painful" but, the end product is the focus. Focus on the hope of the choices you make instead & rely on God.
You have a choice to make: A choice to be happy in the midst of life's storms. A choice to live one moment at a time, making YOU a "mission" worth accomplishing.
~ Nkem A. DenChukwu
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