It is really amazing how so many marriages are in chaos. Many couples live as roommates or strangers and some, like cats and dogs!!! Ever pay attention to young children when they "playhouse?" They play loving (Or not) moms and dads, husbands and wives even, teachers and students. Children genuinely show love and affection in this make belief scene or simply reenact their childhood orientations based on the real life exhibits by the adults.
One of the reasons for unhealthy and broken relationships is incompatibility. Different people get into relationships for different reasons. Many marriages and relationships between couples, friends, siblings, neighbors or/and co-workers falter or prosper for different reasons. Many people tend to loose focus on the key issues in their lives, marriages and relationships. They fail to focus on the details of what or who really matters or makes them happy or rather, fulfilled. Also, they blindly or intentionally neglect the roots or triggers of the chaos in their "unfulfilled" and for others, miserable lives!!!
We all know the phrase that "Age is nothing but, a number." It really is!!! Recently, I heard a story about a very "disturbed" 40 something year old female. Sadly, she is a medical doctor. It is really sad because as a Medical Director, one would think she would have had the decorum to behave wisely. Imagine her for a second being your doctor. Multiple personalities are in play here. She is unable to contain herself when she sees gorgeous women in the midst of her husband at work or at private events. It is obvious she is very "insecure, delusional, miserable and definitely has a very low self-esteem." She bragged to her husband's business partners how they could have seen her in "action" humiliating her husband's assumed "lover" during a business luncheon with many partners. They called her "Stupid" and a "fool." Being an MD did not mean she was smart. She was ignorant and maybe, stupid to realize she humiliated her husband instead. I bet many of us must have heard that a mad man or woman is not ashamed he or she is naked or eating from a garbage can because he or she is mentally unstable to know the difference but, the people that know him are the ones clearly embarrassed. Precisely!!!
I am not Dr. Phil but, here is my take on this!!! Men will always be men. Many men wear "infidelity" or the look or approach of, "Oh baby, you look good, can we go kick it?" like Italian suits or some cheap suits made in China bought from Harwin in the Houston area. If this "female doctor"just like many females, felt her husband was having an "affair" with this "other" female, she had no business going after her. Or she could have confronted her in a fashionable way or simply pray for God to fight for her. Yes, prayer works. First: She should have had a one-on-one conversation with herself to determine what could have led to her husband becoming a "stray dog," if he actually committed the act of adultery. Two: Have an honest conversation with her husband if she senses he actually is cheating, without having to raise her voice especially in front of the children (If kids are involved). I know what you are thinking! It is easier said than done. Three: Stay calm and choose not to let any man including her husband, drive her up the wall, to exhibit an act of stupidity especially in a business environment. Four: Decide to forgive her husband and work on her "broken" marriage or forgive him and move on with her life. Five: Focus on herself to make herself a better individual rather than wasting her energy and time on irrelevant tasks towards obsessive behaviors; it takes away from her happiness. Men will always be men!!!
When you are not emotionally in sync with the one you are with, you have nothing to hold on to except, for the physical intimacy (It is overrated) which wears off like a cheap cologne with time. Being emotionally intimate makes love unique and beautiful. The emotional part of intimate love makes the physical part of intimacy to clearly feel and is as subtle as an early morning fresh breeze yet, as sweet as undiluted fresh palm wine. Embrace the one you love or at least, the one you are with in body, mind and spirit!!!
Many men and women are guilty of committing sinful acts. "Man" cheats with his eyes, hands, even in his dreams (Subconsciousness), fantasies (Lustful hopes), thoughts and actions. He hides these (Or sometimes obvious) beautifully. Show me who has never committed one, more or all of these "acts," and many will bow down to him/her. He or she must be "God." It takes the grace of God to resist temptation. Yet, "Man" succumbs to "it" because of its attractiveness and limited rewards, he is sucked into and most times, destroyed.
Many "wives" fail in their roles as "mothers" and "wives." Men too. Marriage is a beautiful union of love that men and women have made marriage look, not very appealing especially for the younger generations. When a woman neglects to take care of herself both inwardly and outwardly, looking unattractive to the seen eyes therefore, a "Turn off," a man feels he has or have been given the license to redirect his focus to a more attractive woman than his "wife," making the "other" woman your husband's part time or could be full-time lover. Though men will always be men, do NOT give your man the reason or the license for you not to be his 80% focus. Put a leash of God on him and on her, through prayers. Give him one reason to stay focused or re focused, regardless of all the beautiful females or the "hunks" in the world and that reason is YOU!
God knew what He was doing when He created Eve for Adam. Make your spouse your best friend. See him/her as part of you. Work on your bad habits rather than focusing on his. Schedule date nights. Go on weekend trips, making it a tradition. Pamper yourself. Pamper your spouse. Make it a habit to look good or "Hot" for you then, for your spouse (Because YOU come first). Marriage is a beautiful union of love. Do NOT make yours a bad example and make another female or male the "Scape goat."
Women (Men) that spend time tailing their husbands (Wives), worrying about what he (She) could be doing or not, scanning through his (Her) phone messages or emails, hopping from one club or party to another, making your homes war zones between slave masters and his slaves, WAKE-UP!!!
Your mindset determines your steps that lead to action. A positive mindset smells like and is SUCCESS.
Before and when your marriage seems to be falling apart, bring God into "it." Do not derail in your steadfastness. Women like this "doctor" need to sit back and regroup themselves. Rather than running 'helter skelter" on a "wild goose chase," focus on the positives in your relationships and allow God to work on the negatives of your spouse.
Men will always be men. But then again, women will always be women. There are a few good men still out there. Sadly, they are entangled with women filled with toxic traits/behaviors. And, a few good women entangled with pigs in dogs skins. Men: Rather than ignoring what you lack as a man or/and lack in your marriage and filling your insatiable appetite elsewhere, make a decision to change yourself instead. Hopefully, almost everything could fall into place in your life and marriage.
Some women are like flowers while some are spiky therefore, tend to be nags like "Cancer in the bone." Some men seemingly are like "Freddie Kruger" inwardly but, with the face of an angel and could lie through their teeth just to get in between the legs of a woman.
The time may never come so make time earlier than tomorrow! Many people in the relationship called "Marriage" neglect to decide to look inwardly to see with the window of their hearts rather than they forget to think clearly; behaving childishly (Without hesitation), they stand the chance of having being with their one "true love" but lost, for reasons very obvious to them but failed to acknowledge. It's your choice. Choose Wisely!!!
"Marriage is meant to be a promise of a lifetime of love."
